Secret Invasion #8 (OF 8)

That was it? That? That was what Bendis has been laying the foundation for and building up for however many years? That was absolutely and utterly worthless. Garbage. I wish I could give this thing a negative score for wasting 8 issues and 30 some odd dollars of my life. And I read exactly zero tie ins, so you can imagine how pissed I'd be if I'd picked up the approximately 87 crossover books each month.

Okay, so, now you're saying, "But, Luke, why you gotta hate? What's with the venom and vitriol?" Two words: Norman Osborne. And not that he's the head of the Avengers. That's actually pretty cool. I'm upset because that is the ONLY thing that happened as a result of Secret Invasion. That's the only long term consequence of this massive "epic" that Bendis has been writing for years.

Yeah, the Wasp died, too. But, honestly, not only did I not understand what happened there, (and I mean not even a little bit. How did she get "sick"? How was she threatening the universe? How did they stop her?) but it didn't even matter if I understood it or not. Her death had no impact on the battle whatsoever. It just pissed some people off, and that was that. Oh, and the Skrulls stole that baby. Meh. Unless that kid ends up having an epic baby battle with the mutant infant from Messiah Complex, I absolutely do not care about it (or the MC baby) in the slightest.

Just off the top of my head, here's a few storylines that could have just as easily been the result of Secret Invasion, which I would have much MUCH rather seen: 1. The Skrulls occupy Earth. Who wouldn't be interested in reading a few years of storylines where the heroes have to go underground and do terrorist type attacks against the Skrull government while other heroes try to work with the Skrulls? (a la the "New Caprica" arc on Battlestar Galactica) 2. Have Thor, Iron Man, and Captain America (Bucky, of course) form a new team of Avengers. (If you combined these first two stories, that would be just bad ass. Especially if you throw in, say, Hawkeye, and maybe Hank Pym) 3. Well, okay, I only have those two ideas, but still... at least they both have long term options for unique stories.

Instead, we get Norman Osborne, Head of the Avengers. Again, not necessarily a bad idea, but this could easily have been done in a single issue. And the premise behind how he got picked to lead the Avengers is still a little thin for me. Are you seriously going to tell me that whoever ended up killing the Skrull Queen was going to land that position? Wolverine was about half an inch from sticking his claws through her face. Am I really supposed to believe that they would have asked Wolverine to lead the Avengers if he'd been a little quicker?

Plus, does anything that happened in Civil War matter anymore? Spidey has a secret identity again, Iron Man is no longer with SHIELD, Steve Rogers is still dead, but he didn't die in that story, so I'm not sure it counts. I don't know. Whatever.

So, anyway, here's my Secret Invasion summary: "I don't know if I can trust you!" followed by "I have no idea what's going on!" Repeat thoroughly. Punch. Kick. Throw. Repeat thoroughly. Heroes of Earth, on the brink of chaos, band together to defeat Skrull army through sheer force of will. Norman Osborne becomes Head of Avengers. End.

There... I just saved you a couple hours and forty bucks.