200 Words with Paul Dini #11 - A HOME FOR BITEY
16 Posted on Apr 24, 2008 in articles by Conor Kilpatrick |
We are lucky enough to have several fine friends who run services for abandoned pets and personally shelter unwanted dogs while good homes are found for them. This is a noble pursuit, especially considering the unpredictable temperaments of some of the animals involved. This forces our friends to be somewhat creative when drafting messages extolling the virtues of said pet to interested potential owners. For example…
Needed: permanent home for amazing animal. Are you a kindly soul with a sense of humor, current tetanus shots and a strong right hook? Then Bitey could be the pet for you. A spirited bull terrier/wolf/gorilla mix, Bitey is a wily prankster full of pep and not recommended for families with young children, old people, or other individuals who can’t run fast. A devoted companion, Bitey will follow your every move, often surprising you with exuberant displays of attention, usually from behind. At home security Bitey is unsurpassed, burglars take one look at him and flee, along with most letter carriers and delivery people.
Don’t miss this once in a lifetime opportunity, especially as the rest of Bitey’s kind has gone extinct. Please open your heart to Bitey before he opens it for you.
Paul Dini is the Emmy and Eisner Award winning writer of Batman: The Animated Series, Superman: The Animated Series, Detective Comics, Countdown among many, many other things. You can find him online at either kingofbreakfast.livejournal.com or http://www.jinglebelle.com/.
Comments
That was wicked funny.
Posted by josh on 04/24/08 at 09:40 AM
I'm reminded of Homer Simpsons wisdom
"I call the big one bitey"
Posted by CAM on 04/24/08 at 10:25 AM
I think this is my favorite one so far.
Posted by conor on 04/24/08 at 11:21 AM
Damn! Now Dini's throwing heat!
Posted by John on 04/24/08 at 11:43 AM
HAHA....I love this column, and I genuinly look forward to it every week. Thank you
Posted by AndrewAL on 04/24/08 at 12:27 PM
Hysterical!
My current dog is an adoption. She is a Husky/Akita mix, and was found when someone threw her from a moving vehicle! I remember the first hour after the adoption agency people left. I had dog treats in one hand and a broomstick nearby just in case this Cute fuzzy Banner, turned into a ravenous 95 pound Hulkdog.
Luckily she is the best, devoted, and obedient dog I ever had now after 9 years. :)
Posted by Unoob on 04/24/08 at 01:09 PM
Lemme call my man Mike, in Atlanta. He's always lookin' for dogs. And dog-sized water tanks. Got any water tanks?
Posted by gene on 04/24/08 at 01:21 PM
bull terrier/wolf/gorilla mix I'm sold!
Incredible. Just great.
Posted by Luthor on 04/24/08 at 05:56 PM
This is great post. This reminds me of i use to have dog. Now i have a cat.
Posted by superfriend82 on 04/24/08 at 06:58 PM
And don't forget Homer's beloved lobster: "Pinchy."
Posted by Neb on 04/24/08 at 08:12 PM
I'm guessing Bitey shouldn't sleep in the bed...
Posted by gordon on 04/24/08 at 08:44 PM
"... or other individuals who can't run fast." haha. I'll be looking forward to next week! Hilarious.
Posted by Danny on 04/24/08 at 09:22 PM
This is just what I need... How much for it?
Posted by GungaDin on 04/25/08 at 12:23 AM
If Bitey is cuter than my wall-chewing, bald-head-licking Yorkie, then I want to talk about a trade.
Posted by bearnhart on 04/25/08 at 09:26 PM
Is sad but true, i never had a dog or any pet.
Maybe Bitey is for me.
Posted by MoniBolis on 04/24/08 at 09:33 AM